awak tahu....

awak tahu...
bila saya dgr lagu-lagu meruntun hati nie, cepat sangat hati saya melayang2..
menjelma diingatan bila mana saya menarik bag, di tengah2 KLIA yg sunyi.. depan departure gate..
i'll be walking alone and on my own, with the boarding pass in my hand..
and waiting for the announcement to be heard from the surround system of speakers around the area..
it has ALWAYS been a dream to just pack and go..
to just leave everything behind..
something inside of me just dying to go and run far far far away..
just to see the world, before it's too late..
just to see how's the other side looks like..

nothing more that i can say..
yes.. i'm broken and hopelessly helpless..
those words are like a poison dagger that manage to leave an unhealed bruise thru my heart.. works like a curse encrypting my veins and cords..
am i really cant get myself back up?

i am totally in denial if i kept saying that i'm ok, altho for the fact is.. i am not.
i truly love what i am doing.. but then again why is it so hard to at least accomplish? let alone .. excel in it..
where has the drivers, motivation, the energy, the chi, the yin yang of things have gone? where is it? really i wonder.. it's been a month..
not that i'm NOT trying to gather all the strength back, not that i'm not trying to get back up.. but after all that happened i cant seems to go for it anymore..
i cant seems to climb back the sloppy ravine that i've been pushed into..
it's all my fault..
i cant blame anyone else..

i just want to smile again.. sincerely..
i just want to let myself know that i can manage it!
i just want to excel in whatever that i am doing..
entahlah.. i know for the fact that i am nobody...

the only thing left is ... this optimistic feeling of mine..

i just want to fly off...