i've learnt that... the hard way..

why is it so hard for this little heart of mine, to just leave it as it is..
why is it so hard for me to just drop it and make the best out of it..
the harder i try not to make reason for it, the more i've being pushed into making it.
the more i felt i'm reaching the vertical limit..
the more i've being pulled down by an indescribable forces..
the more i try to let go, the more attached i am to it..

i hate this feeling.. i hate myself for this..
i know that now, that it IS YOU who decide on what we are going to do..
i know that i can surrender at times, and will try further to make amendment in terms of that. but why is it so hard, just to give in for a chance.
why i think like crazy and then we went like crazy for another issues that made a maniac out of me..

i remember i used to find a reason to just rise back..
i remember i overcome even the most devastating time of one life.
this is very minor.. why is it sooooo hard..

maybe it's because of the past sin i've done..
GOD, FORGIVE ME..

i couldnt think anymore.. i was at the weakest point..
the thing that is so simple, and i've manage to make it a bit hard in terms of that.
the thing i hate the most, is the thing i love the most..

i never am a quitter, that's for sure..

it's just at the very vulnerable moment.. i felt like a total failure.. =(