Friday, January 8, 2010

boleh tak??

here are times when we feel that we are at the bottom of the deepest s***hole that ever made in the entire universe.. there are times where you just wanna sleep and never to be awake again..

there are times when things are just not on your side and you just have to deal with it.. it's like waiting for the bull to scram towards you and standing solely without avoiding the ramp. and at times it does feels like a train-wreckage...

venturing into this new part of life was suprisingly ... painful.. suddenly i lost all my identity and not even realised what i've become... timid-ignorance-insecure-freak...
there are dark-gluey shadow covers every path that i'm about to take.. and i realised something..
i've been too scared to take any risks that i rather play it safe whenever possible... i stopped thinking because i know nothing good would come out from my idea.. i agonized myself in order to please and cater everybody but myself... i stop to care caused i've learnt that in this business there shall be no sympathy..

i survived the gruesome 6 months.. i used to think that even when people tend to push me into the ravine, i will always manage to bring myself up again and stand tall...

then again where has that feeling gone?? why do i have to be so pessimist that after a cruel push into the ravine this time around, i dare not to stand up again.. and suddenly realised, gosh, i am a mistake-phobic... i tend not to make room for mistakes EVER... which is damn un-realistic...
c'mon... how can you do things so perfectly well, whereas you've no idea what's the head and tail of it.. how can u make yourself so miserable of things that you are trying to learn..
seriously people, learning from experience is tough...

BUT.. there's a bit of beauty part of it... u realised that these things will make you grow stronger. only time could tell when is this going to happen but.... u know, that u've ran that decathlon course on your own and THANK GOD there's people who could torch up your way...
learnt from mistake my dear... mistakes make u wiser...
even millionaire pun tak tahu baper kali dah bankrupt!

yes.. it does feels oh sooo bad.. but if you keep avoiding the land mines, will u be able to work things out by staying tooooo low most of the time? can u ever keep up?

Saturday, January 2, 2010

aiyoh... what happened??


what had happened? why suddenly everything seems in the mess... what happened to the saying that 'i would like to bang into those trees, no matter hard the trunk is....'

feeels so shitty inside that have no idea how far my body can take it..

boleh tak stop fikir for a while... u know u'll mess up sooner or later..

takper la.. maybe it's for the best....

YA ALLAH aku berserah segalanya kepadaMU..
wahai hati, minda, redha lah dengan setiap ketentuanNYA.
bukan semua benda dlm dunia nie, you are capable of.
i know it's hard to see things to go down..
but... are you willing to see it poof just like that without even trying??

~monologue of a broken heart~

oh yeah.. happy 2010. alhamdulillah.. things are ok, it's just this stupid side of me that i'm trying to get rid off, is being sooooo stubborn.