one fine, super-hening morning...

this morning...

i'm ready to go to work, but alas i'm stuck here in front of ayu's computer writting a bunch of unwanted stuffs...

i dont know where has this 'talent' of mine, writing to pour all the crumple things inside this aching heart of mine, has gone??

i usually do that.. in a very stylish way... chewah!

not that i'm not grateful of what GOD has given me..

but as per current situation... i'm blurr...

suddenly i turned into this very pessimist person that only darkness in my line of work. so afraid to touch the water, soo scared to go and pijak the land mines, the fear encrypted upon the wall of my heart.

suddenly, my brain also is not functioning berry well... thus, again... the decision-making component has totally broken and need a very good overhaul.

Ya ALLAH.. berikan la sedikit enlightment kepada budak mengong nie.

kenapa dier jadi terlalu negative? hasnt she learnt from the past? hasnt she seen enough?

dah lah.. pi la keja.. and doalah agar hari ini lebih baik dr hari2 semalam.. semoga segala urusan dipermudahkan. =) amin...

boleh tak??

boleh tak kalau nak pergi dr sini sekarang???

boleh tak kalau nak tinggalkan semua nya..

and just go...

boleh tak kalau hati ini stop torturing the head and just fly off..

boleh tak kalau i nak evaporate into small particles of H2O and vanish..

why am i so in vain again???

memoir of a cliche moments...

it's so cliche.. so predictable and sooooo typical of husna...

the feeling of running away, leaving everything behind as she started to feel attach to it...

so many times that she strive to maintain this abnormal habit..

like the time she had this crush with a guy, and purposely cut-off all connections just so that she wont get her heart hurt, even when she realised she never tried to open-up to him..

or when she wished she had a brain-anuemerism so that she will loss her memory and forgot a bunch of friends (who btw, mistreated her) ~ she did forget them, but her brain veins are still intact.

or when she has found something she is cherishly doing but just because SHE foresees that she couldnt do it, or THINKs that she might not be able to perform as good, she starts jeopardising it. (note: THOUGHTS can be dangerous. jgn ikut gaya budak ini!)

the thing is.. she wishes/prays very hard so that she will continue doing things she is currently juggling. she loves her job.... she really do, but the walking-into-the-wall-and-bang-herself-hard routines have finally got half of the best part of her... (yeah, my head hurts to!)

she has the love of her life.. but what she's currently doing?

she's pushing him away.. away from her.. why?

1. she's such a drama-queen.. a bad one..

2. she's so afraid of getting hurt that she forgot that only thru heartache that one can learn to stand and face the world.

3. he's not for her (ada yg lebih baik untuk si dia!)

the only thing she could think of is....

she just wanna go away.. she just wanna leave, grab her purse, get a credit card (sempat lagi tue), get into one of those plane and fly off.. tak kira la mana plane tue nak landing, dier rela pegi... right now, she's willing to join MERCY/UNESCO/or any other NGO so that she can get the hell out of here.

dah lama dah dia rasa, tempat ini.. bukan untuknya. tanah ini memang tanah bertuah. tp tanah bertuah ini bukan untuk dia buat sementara waktu ini.. bukan tak bersyukur dengan kurniaan TUHAN atau takdirNYA, but her heart is no longer here... mengapa???

now she is currrently listening to selena-no mor quedamas.. and that tune stuck in her head. and the melody really tells her to go.. just run..

but the irony is: the farthest place on earth you can go is only a step away.. bumi nie kan bulat...