Friday, August 21, 2009

evry downside has its own upside..

it was a rough week..

i brokedown, feeling like just flying off somewhere...
it all started when i have to cancel my half-day leave on the day my friends were gathering taking pictures all over ukm and deliberately post it on facebook...
not that it's their fault but... it was supposed to be my moment too.
i was supposed to be in the pic with them..
i was supposed to go gedix2 with them.. i was supposed to be there...

at first i couldnt care less, i thought.. things need to be sacrifice as it was my responsibility...
then.. i found out that it was a STUPID mistake done by someone..
and as that day went by, by 5pm i feel like exploding already...
something inside wanna come out but i wasnt sure what it was...
i was shivering, trying to hold the anger within me..
i have to fight myself to withheld my tears..
to cope with this i bought a cake... just to make me feel much better..

things couldnt get any worse..
everything was just pouring in and i acted as if i couldnt see it coming...
although i already knew..
somewhere during this week, i was like a lost child trying to figure out ways thru the jungle.
every turn i made, i bang into a tree, i saw dead end..
and a part of my brain component called decision-maker has malfunctioned.
worst still = i have to take the blame.. i have to swallow everything... and not being able to explain the whole situation..

i was so broken, that i went to sleep by the tasik shah alam.
i was so broken that i sat on the kitchen floor, crying not knowing what to do or say.
everything i touched or just being involved resulting in a piece of craps..
like a jinx.. and suwey like that...
and working around people who seem to have answers to everything = did not bright up the day.
and seeing that only when your superiors were around, then only your boat can sailed smoothly, as if you're useless and couldnt seem to move the boat on your own, made matters worst! =(

but the aftermath....

suddenly.. i feel like 'hey, it's ok. at least u made it thru in one piece'..
the last day of the week, i couldnt care less. the day was so alive and lovely, that i was just smiling all day long. i dont give a damn of what people said, i was being myself...
as sudden as it came up to me, it goes away so rapidly also..

there's a sudden gush of feeling that invented itself inside me, that tells me.. not to be afraid anymore. not to have this negative issues anymore... just go try to bang into those tree and u'll learnt how to avoid it the next time you're in the area. there's a spirit within so eager to take whatever challenges served that i could just said 'sir, can i do the technical release the next time around?' ... =)?

all seems not too scary anymore.. whatever heartache or bruises or cuts i got, heals on their own.
the only thing i'm uncertain is my intra-relationship with people close by.. (but, i figure it out later!)
i got a chance to shift things up, although i'm not so sure whether it's too late or not.. BUT i have to try.
i have a chance to look things in a very different perspective.. =)
that's supposed to be good, kan?
berkat hikmah mulia Ramadhan nie kot, yg buat hamba hina dina nie realise things.

hey in the end.. it is just work.... =)
go ahead and make my day... bring it on!