Husna cuba buat aper hari nie?

apa saya cuba buat hari nie?

saya cuba:

1. untuk keluar dr rumah ini utk membuat sedikit shopping tanpa sebab..

2. untuk ke alamanda for a surprised, quick valentines lunch but somebody didnt pick up the phone.

3. untuk ke wangsa walk to jelajah tempat karok yg murah tue...

4. untuk ke OU, nak beli bedsheet baru..

5. untuk membasuh baju sekolah adik kesayangan ku itu..

6. untuk menyapu rumah atas ini...

7. untuk mop satu rumah ini...

8. untuk mencuci mata melihat KL yg lengang...

9. untuk meng-iron baju yg sgt banyak ini..

10. untuk melipat baju....

tapi.. semua perancangan tidak kesampaian..

saya juga telah cuba:

~ untuk meng-clearkan my wardrobe to make some space for my new-upcoming-upbeat attires... tp saya hanya berjaya ketepikan 5 helai baju... sbb semua baju yg saya ada saya sgt sayang.. =)

felix the cat bukan!

NAMUN DEMIKIAN, saya berjaya:

1. membasuh baju dengan banyak je (lipat je belum!)

2. mengemas almari in the midst of trying to get rid of the old stuffs..

3. order cheese meat balls with honey bbq chicken wings all to myself *saya tidak frust sgt!*

4. menonton marathon demi marathon ('how i met your mother mode')

5. blog hopping dr satu blog ke blog yg lain.. (avoiding all bride-to-be blogs!)

6. merosakkan otak saya dengan memikirkan ttg keja saya di pejabat..

7. regret sikit sbb tak ikut adik2 and parents balik kg.. =(

hmmmph.. that's how my CNY/valentines day goes by.. hope that you guys had a blast and:

Gong Xi Fa Chai... =)

boleh tak??

here are times when we feel that we are at the bottom of the deepest s***hole that ever made in the entire universe.. there are times where you just wanna sleep and never to be awake again..

there are times when things are just not on your side and you just have to deal with it.. it's like waiting for the bull to scram towards you and standing solely without avoiding the ramp. and at times it does feels like a train-wreckage...

venturing into this new part of life was suprisingly ... painful.. suddenly i lost all my identity and not even realised what i've become... timid-ignorance-insecure-freak...

there are dark-gluey shadow covers every path that i'm about to take.. and i realised something..

i've been too scared to take any risks that i rather play it safe whenever possible... i stopped thinking because i know nothing good would come out from my idea.. i agonized myself in order to please and cater everybody but myself... i stop to care caused i've learnt that in this business there shall be no sympathy..

i survived the gruesome 6 months.. i used to think that even when people tend to push me into the ravine, i will always manage to bring myself up again and stand tall...

then again where has that feeling gone?? why do i have to be so pessimist that after a cruel push into the ravine this time around, i dare not to stand up again.. and suddenly realised, gosh, i am a mistake-phobic... i tend not to make room for mistakes EVER... which is damn un-realistic...

c'mon... how can you do things so perfectly well, whereas you've no idea what's the head and tail of it.. how can u make yourself so miserable of things that you are trying to learn..

seriously people, learning from experience is tough...

BUT.. there's a bit of beauty part of it... u realised that these things will make you grow stronger. only time could tell when is this going to happen but.... u know, that u've ran that decathlon course on your own and THANK GOD there's people who could torch up your way...

learnt from mistake my dear... mistakes make u wiser...

even millionaire pun tak tahu baper kali dah bankrupt!

yes.. it does feels oh sooo bad.. but if you keep avoiding the land mines, will u be able to work things out by staying tooooo low most of the time? can u ever keep up?

aiyoh... what happened??

LOL...

what had happened? why suddenly everything seems in the mess... what happened to the saying that 'i would like to bang into those trees, no matter hard the trunk is....'

feeels so shitty inside that have no idea how far my body can take it..

boleh tak stop fikir for a while... u know u'll mess up sooner or later..

takper la.. maybe it's for the best....

YA ALLAH aku berserah segalanya kepadaMU..

wahai hati, minda, redha lah dengan setiap ketentuanNYA.

bukan semua benda dlm dunia nie, you are capable of.

i know it's hard to see things to go down..

but... are you willing to see it poof just like that without even trying??

~monologue of a broken heart~

oh yeah.. happy 2010. alhamdulillah.. things are ok, it's just this stupid side of me that i'm trying to get rid off, is being sooooo stubborn.

one fine, super-hening morning...

this morning...

i'm ready to go to work, but alas i'm stuck here in front of ayu's computer writting a bunch of unwanted stuffs...

i dont know where has this 'talent' of mine, writing to pour all the crumple things inside this aching heart of mine, has gone??

i usually do that.. in a very stylish way... chewah!

not that i'm not grateful of what GOD has given me..

but as per current situation... i'm blurr...

suddenly i turned into this very pessimist person that only darkness in my line of work. so afraid to touch the water, soo scared to go and pijak the land mines, the fear encrypted upon the wall of my heart.

suddenly, my brain also is not functioning berry well... thus, again... the decision-making component has totally broken and need a very good overhaul.

Ya ALLAH.. berikan la sedikit enlightment kepada budak mengong nie.

kenapa dier jadi terlalu negative? hasnt she learnt from the past? hasnt she seen enough?

dah lah.. pi la keja.. and doalah agar hari ini lebih baik dr hari2 semalam.. semoga segala urusan dipermudahkan. =) amin...

boleh tak??

boleh tak kalau nak pergi dr sini sekarang???

boleh tak kalau nak tinggalkan semua nya..

and just go...

boleh tak kalau hati ini stop torturing the head and just fly off..

boleh tak kalau i nak evaporate into small particles of H2O and vanish..

why am i so in vain again???

memoir of a cliche moments...

it's so cliche.. so predictable and sooooo typical of husna...

the feeling of running away, leaving everything behind as she started to feel attach to it...

so many times that she strive to maintain this abnormal habit..

like the time she had this crush with a guy, and purposely cut-off all connections just so that she wont get her heart hurt, even when she realised she never tried to open-up to him..

or when she wished she had a brain-anuemerism so that she will loss her memory and forgot a bunch of friends (who btw, mistreated her) ~ she did forget them, but her brain veins are still intact.

or when she has found something she is cherishly doing but just because SHE foresees that she couldnt do it, or THINKs that she might not be able to perform as good, she starts jeopardising it. (note: THOUGHTS can be dangerous. jgn ikut gaya budak ini!)

the thing is.. she wishes/prays very hard so that she will continue doing things she is currently juggling. she loves her job.... she really do, but the walking-into-the-wall-and-bang-herself-hard routines have finally got half of the best part of her... (yeah, my head hurts to!)

she has the love of her life.. but what she's currently doing?

she's pushing him away.. away from her.. why?

1. she's such a drama-queen.. a bad one..

2. she's so afraid of getting hurt that she forgot that only thru heartache that one can learn to stand and face the world.

3. he's not for her (ada yg lebih baik untuk si dia!)

the only thing she could think of is....

she just wanna go away.. she just wanna leave, grab her purse, get a credit card (sempat lagi tue), get into one of those plane and fly off.. tak kira la mana plane tue nak landing, dier rela pegi... right now, she's willing to join MERCY/UNESCO/or any other NGO so that she can get the hell out of here.

dah lama dah dia rasa, tempat ini.. bukan untuknya. tanah ini memang tanah bertuah. tp tanah bertuah ini bukan untuk dia buat sementara waktu ini.. bukan tak bersyukur dengan kurniaan TUHAN atau takdirNYA, but her heart is no longer here... mengapa???

now she is currrently listening to selena-no mor quedamas.. and that tune stuck in her head. and the melody really tells her to go.. just run..

but the irony is: the farthest place on earth you can go is only a step away.. bumi nie kan bulat...

something within, being forced to come out...

had this weird dreams lately....

most of the time my dreams would involve something to do at work.

so when i dream of something else, it could make up my day.

oh yeah; talking bout work.. it's tough and I AM SOO struggling but yet, i'm still wanna be there, wanna make it thru.. hmmph...

typical: if u have fallen in love with something, u'll try as hard as u could not to let go. currently.. 2 months to go before the contract ends.. *sigh*

enough about that...

i have this feeling.. of something so badly wanna come out...

kak jude said it's the bad side of me that really wanna take over..

not that kinda of crime baddy thingy.. (altho there are times where i was thinking of scratching somebody's car!)

it's hard to describe... ok.. here's the list of things, i really wanna do:

1. Car - Gokart racing...

i never enjoyed watching race car show, but people who have ride with me, knows pretty well how i steer my ride! =) i fell asleep during jammed, and when there's a clear highway, i dont mind going up to 160km/h.. kesian 'blue omnibus' itu.. =)

it's a way of releasing yourself from anger and frustration, in a very dangerous attitude...

that's why i need to join this racing business...

2. Travel

every morning when i'm off to work, i will see a plane flying by in that light blue colour sky at least once.. from firefly to Thai air, it never stopped amaze me on how can people afford such a trip.. i am so gonna get onto one of those plane and just go.. i've planned a trip to UK. so wish me luck, hope that i can be there 2011. =)

3. go for a wild night in KL..

go figure!

4. Driving aimlessly until the tip of North Asia and patah balik...

ada jalan ke? =P

5. and scuba diving... and try to live under water for a while. =0