memang budak nie dah rosak..

what did i do on a 2-days public holiday?? nothing...

hidup terasa lonely yang amat..

since when did i let myself be so miserable like this?

i have no idea..

daripada tak buat apa mcm nie.. adalah lebih baik kalau ke office..

tp.. tidak.. saya masih merapu di rumah dengan sebemban baju yg hendak dilipat..

tp.. dalam kebosanan ini, saya rasa lega.. for the first time in long period of time..

saya dapat rehat yg secukupnya.

of course, dah menggelegak kepala saya pikir psal kerja.. tp hari nie.. saya jadi tak kisah..

saya pun tak tahu kenapa..

all i wanna do is sleep and bertafakur.. saya makan apa yg saya nak makan..

saya tgk tv dengan penuh gembiranya..

i know my life would be a disastrous one this coming wednesday...

tp itulah saya tgh cuba memperbetulkan keadaan.

saya banyak dosa.. sometimes i feel that i'm so far away from THE ONLY ONE. selalu terlupa akan nikmat yg telah diberikan... selalu rasa kekurangan..

jgan Husna, bersyukur la, kerana apa yg kau ada ada LEBIH BANYAK YG AMAT SANGAT dr kebanyakan manusia di muka bumi ini..

alhamdulillah...

Husna cuba buat aper hari nie?

apa saya cuba buat hari nie?

saya cuba:

1. untuk keluar dr rumah ini utk membuat sedikit shopping tanpa sebab..

2. untuk ke alamanda for a surprised, quick valentines lunch but somebody didnt pick up the phone.

3. untuk ke wangsa walk to jelajah tempat karok yg murah tue...

4. untuk ke OU, nak beli bedsheet baru..

5. untuk membasuh baju sekolah adik kesayangan ku itu..

6. untuk menyapu rumah atas ini...

7. untuk mop satu rumah ini...

8. untuk mencuci mata melihat KL yg lengang...

9. untuk meng-iron baju yg sgt banyak ini..

10. untuk melipat baju....

tapi.. semua perancangan tidak kesampaian..

saya juga telah cuba:

~ untuk meng-clearkan my wardrobe to make some space for my new-upcoming-upbeat attires... tp saya hanya berjaya ketepikan 5 helai baju... sbb semua baju yg saya ada saya sgt sayang.. =)

felix the cat bukan!

NAMUN DEMIKIAN, saya berjaya:

1. membasuh baju dengan banyak je (lipat je belum!)

2. mengemas almari in the midst of trying to get rid of the old stuffs..

3. order cheese meat balls with honey bbq chicken wings all to myself *saya tidak frust sgt!*

4. menonton marathon demi marathon ('how i met your mother mode')

5. blog hopping dr satu blog ke blog yg lain.. (avoiding all bride-to-be blogs!)

6. merosakkan otak saya dengan memikirkan ttg keja saya di pejabat..

7. regret sikit sbb tak ikut adik2 and parents balik kg.. =(

hmmmph.. that's how my CNY/valentines day goes by.. hope that you guys had a blast and:

Gong Xi Fa Chai... =)

boleh tak??

here are times when we feel that we are at the bottom of the deepest s***hole that ever made in the entire universe.. there are times where you just wanna sleep and never to be awake again..

there are times when things are just not on your side and you just have to deal with it.. it's like waiting for the bull to scram towards you and standing solely without avoiding the ramp. and at times it does feels like a train-wreckage...

venturing into this new part of life was suprisingly ... painful.. suddenly i lost all my identity and not even realised what i've become... timid-ignorance-insecure-freak...

there are dark-gluey shadow covers every path that i'm about to take.. and i realised something..

i've been too scared to take any risks that i rather play it safe whenever possible... i stopped thinking because i know nothing good would come out from my idea.. i agonized myself in order to please and cater everybody but myself... i stop to care caused i've learnt that in this business there shall be no sympathy..

i survived the gruesome 6 months.. i used to think that even when people tend to push me into the ravine, i will always manage to bring myself up again and stand tall...

then again where has that feeling gone?? why do i have to be so pessimist that after a cruel push into the ravine this time around, i dare not to stand up again.. and suddenly realised, gosh, i am a mistake-phobic... i tend not to make room for mistakes EVER... which is damn un-realistic...

c'mon... how can you do things so perfectly well, whereas you've no idea what's the head and tail of it.. how can u make yourself so miserable of things that you are trying to learn..

seriously people, learning from experience is tough...

BUT.. there's a bit of beauty part of it... u realised that these things will make you grow stronger. only time could tell when is this going to happen but.... u know, that u've ran that decathlon course on your own and THANK GOD there's people who could torch up your way...

learnt from mistake my dear... mistakes make u wiser...

even millionaire pun tak tahu baper kali dah bankrupt!

yes.. it does feels oh sooo bad.. but if you keep avoiding the land mines, will u be able to work things out by staying tooooo low most of the time? can u ever keep up?

aiyoh... what happened??

LOL...

what had happened? why suddenly everything seems in the mess... what happened to the saying that 'i would like to bang into those trees, no matter hard the trunk is....'

feeels so shitty inside that have no idea how far my body can take it..

boleh tak stop fikir for a while... u know u'll mess up sooner or later..

takper la.. maybe it's for the best....

YA ALLAH aku berserah segalanya kepadaMU..

wahai hati, minda, redha lah dengan setiap ketentuanNYA.

bukan semua benda dlm dunia nie, you are capable of.

i know it's hard to see things to go down..

but... are you willing to see it poof just like that without even trying??

~monologue of a broken heart~

oh yeah.. happy 2010. alhamdulillah.. things are ok, it's just this stupid side of me that i'm trying to get rid off, is being sooooo stubborn.

one fine, super-hening morning...

this morning...

i'm ready to go to work, but alas i'm stuck here in front of ayu's computer writting a bunch of unwanted stuffs...

i dont know where has this 'talent' of mine, writing to pour all the crumple things inside this aching heart of mine, has gone??

i usually do that.. in a very stylish way... chewah!

not that i'm not grateful of what GOD has given me..

but as per current situation... i'm blurr...

suddenly i turned into this very pessimist person that only darkness in my line of work. so afraid to touch the water, soo scared to go and pijak the land mines, the fear encrypted upon the wall of my heart.

suddenly, my brain also is not functioning berry well... thus, again... the decision-making component has totally broken and need a very good overhaul.

Ya ALLAH.. berikan la sedikit enlightment kepada budak mengong nie.

kenapa dier jadi terlalu negative? hasnt she learnt from the past? hasnt she seen enough?

dah lah.. pi la keja.. and doalah agar hari ini lebih baik dr hari2 semalam.. semoga segala urusan dipermudahkan. =) amin...

boleh tak??

boleh tak kalau nak pergi dr sini sekarang???

boleh tak kalau nak tinggalkan semua nya..

and just go...

boleh tak kalau hati ini stop torturing the head and just fly off..

boleh tak kalau i nak evaporate into small particles of H2O and vanish..

why am i so in vain again???

memoir of a cliche moments...

it's so cliche.. so predictable and sooooo typical of husna...

the feeling of running away, leaving everything behind as she started to feel attach to it...

so many times that she strive to maintain this abnormal habit..

like the time she had this crush with a guy, and purposely cut-off all connections just so that she wont get her heart hurt, even when she realised she never tried to open-up to him..

or when she wished she had a brain-anuemerism so that she will loss her memory and forgot a bunch of friends (who btw, mistreated her) ~ she did forget them, but her brain veins are still intact.

or when she has found something she is cherishly doing but just because SHE foresees that she couldnt do it, or THINKs that she might not be able to perform as good, she starts jeopardising it. (note: THOUGHTS can be dangerous. jgn ikut gaya budak ini!)

the thing is.. she wishes/prays very hard so that she will continue doing things she is currently juggling. she loves her job.... she really do, but the walking-into-the-wall-and-bang-herself-hard routines have finally got half of the best part of her... (yeah, my head hurts to!)

she has the love of her life.. but what she's currently doing?

she's pushing him away.. away from her.. why?

1. she's such a drama-queen.. a bad one..

2. she's so afraid of getting hurt that she forgot that only thru heartache that one can learn to stand and face the world.

3. he's not for her (ada yg lebih baik untuk si dia!)

the only thing she could think of is....

she just wanna go away.. she just wanna leave, grab her purse, get a credit card (sempat lagi tue), get into one of those plane and fly off.. tak kira la mana plane tue nak landing, dier rela pegi... right now, she's willing to join MERCY/UNESCO/or any other NGO so that she can get the hell out of here.

dah lama dah dia rasa, tempat ini.. bukan untuknya. tanah ini memang tanah bertuah. tp tanah bertuah ini bukan untuk dia buat sementara waktu ini.. bukan tak bersyukur dengan kurniaan TUHAN atau takdirNYA, but her heart is no longer here... mengapa???

now she is currrently listening to selena-no mor quedamas.. and that tune stuck in her head. and the melody really tells her to go.. just run..

but the irony is: the farthest place on earth you can go is only a step away.. bumi nie kan bulat...