Wednesday, April 14, 2010

certain things...

i've no idea why..

the news come to me like a wind hollow thru the nite..
when i heard the news, nothing struck in my mind..
no feeling at all..
no gestures what so ever..

but now.. every possibilities come struck in front of my eyes.
the trauma around 15 years ago.. that feeling comes back without any invites..
u just wished that things could happen so rapidly, that you lose sight of it that will make u not bother about it at all..

not now.. the time is just sooo not right.. not now.. at the moment where i felt like my world is almost collapsing down..
where i felt like i have no other way to move..
at times, where i am at the bottom of the hollowest pit of all..

all my worries has been confirmed in a very beautiful manner.. the thing i love the most is actually killing me bits by bits every single day..
i couldnt do it.. something that is sooo hard for me to admit..
i really cant do it.. no matter how hard i tried.. there's always possibilities that i end up jeopardising the whole things, making people hate me so much.. why? i just cant figure out.
the only person who didnt realised something bad will happen is ME.. everybody knows i'm in a deep s**t, but does this come into a reality check for me? no.. nada.. nothing at all...

now with this news.. i cant seems to stay strong as before.. i cant seems to stand tall and endured those kinda hardship like before... why does this negatives thinking kept lingering in my mind???

i am in denial.. trying to segregate personal life and professionalism.. yeah right! who are you kidding?

maybe it's true.. i might as well give up for the sake of others..

dilemma? u are supposed to go back to HIM... DIA takkan lemparkan ujian yang tak mampu ditanggung hambaNYA, dan tidak pada hamba yang tidak disayangiNYA.....